Labour Economic Policy to centre around ‘finding El Dorado’

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Having realised that, in the middle of a poor economic climate it is going to be very hard to fund a national living wage, equal pay act and free ice cream on Thursdays, Labour have today announced their economic policy for 2015 will centre around finding the lost & mystical city of ‘El Dorado’.

The mysterious kingdom, which explorers have tried to find several times, is said to be paved with riches and gold down the streets and Labour thinks it could be the remedy for their economic miscalculations.

Speaking to The Doodle Slug, a senior advisor to the Shadow Chancellor’s office said ‘We have, after spending much of the last three years hedging on a great number of spending commitments, can now happily announce a comprehensive spending plan, funded by the legendary lost city and its treasure.’

“Ed Balls was in the middle of one his temper soothing Disney movie marathon, and saw this one about a place filled with gold called El Dorado. I took the plans to Miliband and we thought ‘well the last Labour government had no problem will illegally invading places, so why should we? Tony took us to war in Iraq under the pre-text of Weapons of Mass destruction,  but it is now common knowledge that he was really searching for the mythical Cave of Wonders, and the precious Genie-inhabited lamp that lies within.’

‘Ed has dispatched Douglas Alexander on an urgent fact finding mission to the darkest depths of the Amazon rainforest. He has been accompanied there by Tristan Hunt, to keep him away from any other T.V. appearances.’

‘We are also currently awaiting a response to a Freedom of Information request as to the whereabouts of One-Eyed Willie’s lost treasure trove.’