Undercover police to replace child benefit

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"We expect to save a lot of money, since not all women will be able to figure out whether their partner is actually a copper or not."

“We expect to save a lot of money, since not all women will be able to figure out whether their partner is actually a copper or not.”

In a radical shake-up of the welfare state, child benefit is to be replaced by a new lottery system of police officers going undercover.

Under the new plans spies for the force are to impregnate women, with those who discover the true identity of the father being paid hundreds of thousands of pounds.

A Government spokesperson said the scheme was to be much more cost-efficient than the old system.

“We expect to save a lot of money, since not all women will be able to figure out whether their partner is actually a copper or not.

“Of course it also helps the police out, since we’ll be able to find out which of our police officers are good at undercover work.

“I’m sure police morale will also be boosted a bit.”