Philosophy graduate gets real job, realises degree was worthless

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Henry tries to engage with customers about the deeper realities behind Jeremy Bentham's utilitarianism, but is often met by blank faces.

Henry tries to engage with customers about the deeper realities behind Jeremy Bentham’s utilitarianism, but is often met by blank faces.

Four months into serving coffees at Starbucks, Philosophy graduate Henry Williams is starting to doubt the use of his three years learning the theory of existentialism.

Henry regularly tries to engage with customers about the deeper realities behind Jeremy Bentham’s utilitarianism, but is often met by blank faces and someone silently pointing at the muffins on the top shelf.

He has also begun to realise that understanding the moral complexities surrounding the debate on euthanasia is not very useful when cleaning out a dishwasher at the end of an eight-hour shift.

Mary Wollstone, his line manager, said that although she was impressed by his ability to explain transhumanism in such depth during the interview, she does wish he was better at using a mop.

“He’s a smart guy, and I’m sure one day all the stuff he learnt on his degree will get him into a good job.”

She then stood for five minutes with a strained expression on her face before adding: “Philosophy teacher, maybe?”