Farage to attend rehab for alcohol issues

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"Its only five minutes into an interview and its already half empty." (Concerned Ukip member)

“Its only five minutes into an interview and its already half empty.” (Concerned Ukip member)

Having finally accepted he has a problem, Nigel Farage has agreed to attend rehab for his addiction to alcohol.

Many Ukip supporters raised concerns about his drinking levels after noticing he was holding a pint in virtually every photo taken of him.

Observant party members also took stock of the alarming number of times he asked for photoshoots to be arranged in the nearest local pub.

Speaking for the first time about his long-term addiction, Mr Farage said his inability to stay away from the bottle is the main reason for his shockingly low attendance at EU committee meetings.

“Beforehand when I only had to argue with MEPs I was fine with a shot of whisky in the morning and a cold beer at night.

“But now people are actually listening to me I have to come up with hysteria and scaremongering every single day. I just wouldn’t be able to do it sober.”

Political experts also suspect his near-constant state of inebriation is a clear explanation for his eccentric behaviour and most of the party’s policies.